I had him as my friend and someone who I used to use as a model. We were 'friends' ... I liked his company and actually used to ask him for tips and advises.There was something about him. Something dark. He had a certain arrogance - perhaps because he knew he was good - and I remember crystal clear than even though he was just a kid he had by then the horrible ENVY inside of him.
I was a day dreamer...I was good in Karate, though it was something more natural in me rather than down to my dedication. I used to go to the classes and make jokes, play and goof around and make friends. Whilst John was always the one making the questions, making every thing serious and dense I was the opposite though...I was surprisely good for someone who wasn't that much keen and dedicated. I advanced on my belt levels alongside Joao though I was the one to be called to replace the teacher sometimes and even teach the new starters - the funny fact was that being so young I used to be trusted by my teacher to teach the new starters. I was the one to particpate the meetings held by the teachers and the most seniour people and I never understood why I had so much attention from the teachers and the others in the class because I was never too keen on Karate. I liked it; I enjoyed it but I wasn't dedicated as Joao... Anyway; Time went by and I realised that more attention I got more Joao became distant from me. He started to make sarcastic comments and jokes about me. I didn't understood. I did understood why we had stop talking to each other.
One day; It was the final of the Karate championship and I won the tournament. Everyone from our class came down to the pitch to hug me and congratulate me except him. He stayed there, sat, watching with a very angry face. At first I felt so hurt....almost as betrayed. I was a kid and I couldn't understand why my friend would not be happy for me as I was when he had previously succeeded. I couldn't understand. It was then that my teacher said; "True friends are those who feel happy when you are happy. Those who celebrate with you your victories" -and he finished by saying; "unfortunately you will find many people who aren't going to be happy for you on your victories".
And he was right... There are many people out there who don't wish you good things.
Now, 30 years old of age, I understand completely what happened back then... Joao consumed by the fact that even though he was the best, most talented, most dedicated, I was the one who would get extra attention. I was the one to get great results. How could someone like ME (in his head) be a champion?? - And it happened as it happens with everyone who lives consumed by ENVY; he got stuck in the moment. He began to spend all of his energy to focus on me; focus on not wanting ME to succeed whilst he should be focusing on his life, on his own progression, focusing on winning his own battles...
I learnt at that time; so young in life; to not bother with people like that. Not not get consumed by Haters. Because if we don't look after our own lives, our own battles we will for certain be defeated in life.
Since I released the book I seen many and many reactions; many and many beloved friends, work colleagues, family, relatives congratulating me for my achievement. Sending me words of encouragement and demonstrating their love. And I seen again the green eyed monsters.
Example: I was at a house party of a Friend minding my own business, when a group of people came in to the room saying that someone was nearly screaming at the terrace things like; I cannot stand the fact that everyone is going on about he writing a book! Anyone can write a book. Anyone can publish a book these days... But to write properly, tell a story properly it's a different story. Who he think he is.... and so on.
Bear in mind I was minding my own business - it seems like others were talking about the book and about me writing a book, but not me. I was simpling dancing a long and having fun. I know I am not a Shakespeare...I am not a Hemingway... I am not pretentious to that point though I know how many months I dedicated to this 'baby' I know how much love I input into this work and how personal it's for me to share such personal story with the world. Yes, I do want the book to be read by lots and lots of people; that's the idea; to share my story. Though I cannot get why would someone wish me bad for that...despite my work without even reading and giving me a chance.
I had seen on this guy's eyes and reactions in the past few years a certain negative attitude towards me, I saw him Joao from my childhood. But; I decided to not bother...decided that he couldn't affect me. We have friends in common and it has never been possible to break the links that keep us together...but...BUT....after Saturday night...I decided to press the Recycle bottom in my soul and put this guy in my recycle bin. Unfortunately I couldn't go to the recycle bin and delete permanently, simply because we have friends in common. But he is there...
Life it's too short...too short for us to WASTE our time with haters and green eyed monsters. I leave them; stuck with their own negative energy. Feel sorry, wish them all the best and wish that they learn fast that this sort of energy only delay their progress though....I don't keep them around me. I simply put them in the Recycle bin of my soul's hard drive
In the end I only feel sorry for someone like him as It must be so difficult to go through life with so much Hate and bitterness inside.
