It's been quite bad as it seems like every time I write something on this blog this something turns out to be quite depressing or boring though, I guess I can't help. I like to write in here every time I am feeling something strong..when I am feeling emotional or vulnerable.
Today is the anniversary of my mom's death. 21 years mum died.
Every year, and I do mean EVERY year, something happens on this date to remind myself of this date (not that I would ever forget anyway).
When I was a kid at some point of the 24th of January I used to feel my heart beating fast, I used to feel mom's perfume smell in the air as if she was visiting me and then the memory of this sad day would come up in my mind. I would then light up a candle and do a pray for her soul.
Five years ago, when in London something really strange happened. I had had a massive argument with John and then left the flat. I had simply packed my stuff and left. Just left without any where to go. I phone called a girlfriend of mine, Vivianne, and she quickly invited me to go to hers. Vivianne lived quite far from central London, and she shared a house with lots of different people. Her room was very tiny being able to fit a very small single bed and some space between the bed and the wardrobe. Vivianne was going through a very tough time so she could not confort me. I remember she stayed in her bed crying for her own problems and I stayed on the floor between the bed and the wardrobe - the place that I used as a bed for few days. Crying I was feeling like there was no hope until suddenly my heart started to beat fast, my mums perfume came up in the air and I heard a female voice singing in Portuguese the song I heard while on the funeral car while on my way to my mums funeral. The song talks about the wish of wanting to hug someone for the last time and tell the loved one for tell someone for the last time how much love he/she felt for it...(I seriously don't know why my cousin who's driving that car putted such sad song on but anyway...). When I heard that female voice singing I imediately remembered about my mum, and that I was so down and depressed that I had forgotten about the most important person in my life, my mum. I then stopped crying straigh away and started to pray to her soul and went to sleep. On the following day I discovered that one of Vi vane's house mate, also Brazilian, had the habit of singing random old Brazilian love songs... Anyway I took that as my mum trying to say to me; 'Don't worry, I am here with you'.
Today, 24th of January, after a long day at work and feeling a bit down for my mum's death anniversary I thought I would watch a bit of Glee to cheer me up. For my surprise, I never cried to much in my whole life =D ( I do say this with a smile on my face now). The whole episode was focused on Kurt's drama. His father had a heart attack and they showed images of his mother's funeral and how he grew up without her having his father as his only companion... Man, I cried!!! But it was worth it. Glee tonight was emotional, touching, beautiful...
Mum, wherever you are; I love you!!!!
