I am now on the train returning to London from a funeral in Liverpool. Today was the day to say; 'See you later' to my partner's aunt Maureen.
The priest was telling us today about something I believe 100%. He mentioned the passage in the bible that Jesus said; 'There are many mansions in my father's house'. Which means; this is not the only place; this is not our only life existence. And I do believe this....As I mentioned before this is what makes me stronger to continue living without succumbing to Saudades (from the Portuguese; to miss someone, to miss a place).
But doesn't matter; Saudade comes... I was asked today about my mum who passed away; 'Do you still miss her after such long time?' YES YES YES. Nothing affects me more than Saudades. My mum and other beloved people who left are subjects that always touch my soul deep down and doesn't matter what I am doing, doesn't matter where I am if I recall them faces, our moments together, tears always fall down my face.
Today watching the ceremony I thought of all the ones I love and it was impossible not to think; What if....or What will happen when.... I don't know. Although I am completely sure that we are bigger than this corporeal body that dresses our spirit I suffer - a lot - from Saudades.
I tell my partner, friends and everyone I know.... I don't stress - NEVER - for any problem. Doesn't matter how big it is...because I know for experience that the only 'problem' we cannot solve is when someone we love departs. Today for example; there was nothing no one could have done to take it away Maureen's daughters Kate and Gil's pain. Those young girls will suffer of Saudades every time they think of their mother and there's no money, no will power in the world that can bring their mother back.
Don't stress over nothing in Life because we can always find solutions...we can always get any problem sorted. But the sadness of saying goodbye it's definitely something we cannot remedy.
Tears are comng down my face as I write because it's impossible after such lovely day of celebration (celebrate aunt's Maureen life) not to remember my mum and all of those I love whom aren't here anymore.
Go in peace aunt Maureen. We will see you soon!
