For several months I have been feeling very strong in my abdomen. Sometimes it comes suddenly, out of nowhere and it strikes so hard I cannot even move. As the pain has never been constant I left (that was probably my biggest mistake).
Months ago I decided to go to my GP who said it was nothing. NOTHING! My intuition said there was something wrong though I chosen to believe the GP. (my second mistake).
The pain increased...other - worrying - symptoms came along.
Early this week I took the decision to look for a private doctor's opinion.
I have been in pain for now over twenty four hours in the row. It doesn't cease. It doesn't leave me. I have seen the private doctor this afternoon and immediately I was sent for exams. Tomorrow and next week I have a long list of procedures and exams to do; you name it the medical exam and procedure and it's probably on the list. Starts from tomorrow.
Scared? Yes, I am. Times like this makes you re-think your whole life. What if...this happen? What if...that happens? What if...? Time like this makes you see how fragile our bodies can be.
Right now I am forcing my brain to avoid going down the route of pessimism and negativity. I don't like the whole; What if...
What I know right now is that the pain hurts - loads - and I want the pain to go away.
I don't believe in 'staying in' or 'laying' when you're sick. I like to keep my self occupied. Going to work as normal, going to the gym as normal...keeping life as 'normal' as possible. This makes me feel secure, safe... even though I am in agony carry on with work, life helps to keep my brain occupied and gives the feeling of a comfort zone that this will pass.
Tomorrow hopefully will be a day of less pain, good news and no more thoughts of What if...
Our Father, Who art in heaven,
Hallowed be Thy Name,
Thy Kingdom come,
Thy will be done on Earth as it is in heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread,
and forgive us our trespasses,
as we forgive those who trespass against us.
And lead us not into temptation,
but deliver us from evil.
Amen
